Mention of depression, anxiety and panic attacks get thrown around in popular culture these days, but it’s important to be cognizant that these are serious, potentially life-threatening, mental health conditions not to be prescribed freely and flippantly. However, what’s also important to know is that you can survive and even thrive in the wake of these conditions, and Kendra Wilkinson is a prime example.
Kendra Wilkinson on her mental health journey
Wilkinson recently opened up about her most recent hospitalization following an intense panic attack, telling PEOPLE in her first interview since the incident, it was rock bottom. “I didn’t know what was going on in my head and my body or why I was crying.” Wilkinson recalls feeling like she “wasn’t strong enough to live anymore.” She adds, “I was dying of depression.”
A turning point, and also one of the most challenging moments, for Wilkinson was being placed on the antipsychotic medication Abilify. “To accept medication was the hardest thing to do. It meant I had to accept that I have some mental illness, and I didn’t want to have to do that,” she says. Wilkinson also attended outpatient therapy three times a week following her release so professionals could help her resolve long-standing trauma.
“It was the lowest place I’ve ever been in my life. I felt like I had no future, I couldn’t see in front of my depression,” she says of her life before seeking help. “I was giving up, and I couldn’t find the light, I had no hope.” Wilkinson has a history of struggling with her mental health. She was placed in a psychiatric facility as a teenager after swallowing a handful of pills. This most recent bout of depression made her question whether she should give up. “I would never go out of my way to kill myself, but I was just like, ‘God, take me. God, take me,’” she says.
“Depression is something that doesn’t just go away. It’s something that stays with you through life. You just have to learn to work with it and accept it. And it’s a part of me,” says Wilkinson. “What therapy did was that it built this tool system for me. So now I have the strength…and the foundation I need to overcome my depression.”
The star, and mother of two, is on the mend after facing herself head-on. “I feel like I’m the best mom I can be. I’m giving my kids all I got. I’m giving myself all I got,” says Wilkinson. She’s also more comfortable in her own body these days. “I’m living now. I was finally okay with my boobs today! A year ago, I was body shaming. Now, I feel beautiful,” says Wilkinson. “I’m so proud of myself for battling this and finding the solution and getting the treatment I needed. And it’s one step at a time…I survived.”
